Hotties Gone Amuck
by Paopu Pop
Summary: [THE QUEST FOR THE ULTIMATE HOTTIE! SEQUEL] Random superheroes, an overboard sexy guy, and kidnapped girls and Santa in a yellow submarine? You know things won't end... sane.
1. Revenge is Sweet Like Pudding

**A/N: GACK! _Why _am I doing this! Sequels always bite!  
****Lloyd: Not necessarily.  
****Genki: Feh, whatever. Anyhoo, since _QFTUH! _hit 100 reviews, and many people asked for a sequel... your prayers have been answered! So, yeah. But it's not another contest, don't worry. (Well, _I _do the worrying 'cause I can't think of good contests...) Right now, this is purely off of anything that comes to mind. AKA: THIS HAS NO SPECIFIC GUIDELINE. X.x; And at that, we reach our disclaimer. Yo, Daddio! Disclaimer! Erm, please.**

**(DISCLAIMER)  
****Lloyd: ...Genki does not own Tales of Symphonia  
****If that were so, the game would be pandemonia  
****She's just a phonia  
****Who steals others' ideas for fics  
****Using the characters in shaded pics--  
****Genki: You can rap like CRAP.  
****Lloyd: I wasn't born to rhyme, Genki.  
****Genki: ...you weren't born to _think.  
_****Lloyd: HEY!.:sob:****

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**Hotties Gone Amuck  
**_**Chapter 1**_

Hop. Hop. Hop. "Dad, I hate you," Lloyd groaned. He was hopping on crutches, his leg in a cast. A _pink _cast, might I add.

"All in a day's work, Sonny!" Kratos bellowed.

"Call me _'Sonny' _one more time and I'll..."

"Let's do a dance! _Dadadadadadadum..." _The angel was doing the chicken dance.

"The chicken dance is so clichéd. Do something else embarrasing."

"Uhh... _Follow the yellow brick road!" _he started singing from _The Wizard of Oz _as he skipped down a mysterious brick road.

"Dad, that's a _blue _brick road," the swordsman pointed out, causing Kratos to stop into place. Or perhaps it was the fact that a beanstalk-like guy was standing in the way.

"Would you like to buy a pear?" Both father and son stared before running again. (Well, Lloyd was trying his best on the crutches...) _"Wait! I want a lemooooon!" _He fell over and died.

"Limes are better anyway," Kratos pouted. Then he pulled out a bottle of coke and lime. "You put the lime in the coconut, and drink it all up!--"

"Dad, I'm sure that they'll never make that crap," Lloyd sighed. Kratos pouted some more and threw down the soda and fruit. "You know, we would've gotten to the North Pole by now if you hadn't _destroyed the car--"_

"Kratos Speedy Car!" his father corrected.

"Yeah, whatever," he huffed. "There must be a way to get there..." His eyes turned to the sky. "Hm, I wonder what the others are doing right now..."

_Meanwhile, in a land not far away..._

_Well... maybe all **little **far away..._

_Whatever, let's move on._

"So... I lost, did I?" None other than Mithos was spinning in a chair in a room filled with television screens. Reflected on the screens were images of children of all ages... all but one screen. And this particular screen was the one Mithos watched over and over again: the image of that annoying girl (Genki) announcing his pathetic defeat and keychain. "Disguisting. Everyone knows I am evil, which only adds to my supreme hotness. Carl!" He snapped his fingers as the bunny hopped into the room.

"Yes, sir?" he replied, his voice imitating Egore's.

"Stop acting like you're in a clichéd Frankenstein moment and get my minions!"

"Right away, sir!" In a few moments, little gnomelettes dressed in green as elves rushed into the room. "Here they are, sir."

"I can see them, dumbass." He shooed Carl away as he leaned down to the gnomelettes. "I've finally found a way to plot my revenge." The gnomelettes nodded. "You see these girls?" He pointed to the screen he had stared at moments ago, and pointed out the girls running the _QFTUH! _contest. "I want you to fetch the capturing gnomes and tell them to bring these girls to me! Alive, of course."

"Then, why didn't you just bring them here, sir?" one brave gnomelette asked. Mithos' eyebrow twitched in annoyance.

"Because... **_THEY'D BREAK THE TOP OF THE DOOR OFF AND THEY WOULDN'T FIT IN HERE, YOU FREAKIN'--"_**

"Please excuse him, sir, he didn't get enough sleep--"

_**"THE TWO OF YOU ARE FIRED FOR BEING COMPLETE LOSERS!"**_

"Yeah, you losers!"

**_"THE REST OF YOU, GET OUT! OUT NOW!" _**They squealed and ran off all scared-like. "First Santa... next the fiends who destroyed my dream... last, the pudding in the fridge. ALL WILL BE MINE! BOOHAHA--"

"Did you say something about my pudding, sir?" One gnomelette peeked his head in.

"No... not at all, Francis... not at all... BWAHAHA!" He started to sing in his recent victory. "I took over the Yellow Submarine... Yellow Submarine... 'cause I am so mean..." (1)

_And the gnomes marched their way over to the place that the girls were..._

"Pass me the suntan lotion, would ya, Colette?" Sheena asked, as Colette reached down for the bottle, but tripped over and landed face first into the sand. "...You really need to go to a smarter school, Colette."

"Are you calling my school _stupid?" _Raine put the book she had been reading firmly in her lap, pulled up her sunglasses, and glared at Sheena, who looked over for a moment, then closed her eyes.

"Maybe..."

"Okay, that's it!" Raine pulled out a pair of cat ears and put them on, tagged a tail to the back of her bathingsuit, and lashed out at Sheena. The summoner, who had been sitting in a chair that was now toppled over, pulled out her own ears and tail and started to scratch at the pissed teacher, and they were sprawled out on the sand, clawing and screaching at each other. (2)

Presea walked stiffly over and sighed. "This would happen to be the worst pun I've seen yet this week... well, maybe..." She remembered a couple others, but she only shrugged. "Whatever. ...What would that be?" Her arm reached up and pointed to the giant... creature... that soon overshadowed the brawl. Colette looked up and waved happily, and the two older women stopped to look up and scream.

"You have been summoned by the all-sexy one."

"And when was the last time you looked in a mirror?" Sheena furrowed her eyebrows, but they lifted as more giant gnomes surrounded the group of ladies. "W-well, I only say that because you're much more--"

"The one that is full of masculineness is not here. We have come to pick up the delivery."

"The... huh-- WAIT!" The half-elf rose on her feet awkwardly. "We are not objects to be handled with care! You most certainly _will not-- _ACK! NOO! LET ME GO! BASTARD! AUGH!"

"This would be a difficult predicament... correct?"

"WHEE! YAY, WE GET TO SEE HIS HIGHNESS!"

"And for the crap _we're _going through now, he had better have one sexy hiney...ness..." Sheena twitched as her pun didn't work so well. (3)

_And all the while, Yuan was enjoying himself at the Sugar Factory..._

"WHOO! SUGAR!" Yuan was once again hyper, rampaging the factory.

"Sir, I believe you've had enough sugar..."

"B-but-I-didn't-even-get-to-spend-my-money-yet!" He was replied with a boot out the door. "Oww... meanies!" He started to cry while rubbing his head in pain. "Lessee-how-Kratos-and-Lloyd-are-doing-with-their-trip-to-the-Yellow-Submarine-with-my-handy-dandy...NOTEBOOK!-- oh-wait-Aurion/Irving-Tracker-Device, SAMEDIFF!" He pulled out a little remote with a small screen that showed the two fighting at the edge of a beach. "I-see-they've-lost-their-car-and-they're-unable-to-travel-any-further-well-this-calls-for..." He whipped his cape around to reveal his new costume. "THE-MUFFIN-MAN!" Little children started to sing _The Muffin Man _as his theme music. "That's-right-little-children-sing-the-song-of-your-favorite-hero-cause-I'm-here-to-save-the-day-oh-YEAH! Now-it's-time-to-find-my-associates-in-justice!" And he ran and flew away as the children started to walk away.

"Aw... no muffins? That bites. We thought for _sure _we'd get one this time..."

_Hunh... I wonder where the other two judges of **QFTUH! **went..._

"And you take the toilet brush and scrub the insides of the toilet well like this..."

_Oh yeah, they got jobs. Hehe. (4)_

_"I'm going to SHOOT this lady," _Genis thought.

_"I'm going to THROW A BRICK at this lady," _Regal thought.

_"I'm going to eat a sandwich when I get home," _the lady thought as she continued the two's bathroom training. "Now, we-- ...what are children doing here? The golf course isn't open yet!" She tossed the toilet brush in the sink and ran off for the children who magically appeared and started singing The Muffin Man's theme song.

"Remind me to not wash my hands in that sink," Regal pointed to the brush.

"This is the girl's bathroom."

"More the reason to remind me."

"ITS-THE-MUFFIN-MAN!" Yuan made a crash landing into a bush and then looked around. "I'm-looking-for-Cookie-Lad!" Genis groaned and Regal stared.

"Cookie Lad?..."

"Don't tell him I'm here Regal."

"YUAN! GENIS IS IN THE GIRLS' BATHROOM, BEING A PERVERT!"

"You're in the bathroom too, you big oaf!"

"..." The blue-haired man started to sob.

"Um, I'm sorry?"

"COOKIE-LAD!" Yuan aka "The Muffin Man" flew in and glomped Genis. "What-are-you-doing-with-a-job-it's-time-to-save-your-pals!"

"I'm not a lad!"

"Quick-put-on-this-costume!"

"No way in hell! Regal stop snickering!"

"Sorry, can't help it."

"Come-on-Cookie-Lad-AWAAAAAAYYYYYYY!" Yuan grabbed Genis by the collar (which by the way, was pink) and carried him away.

"Hey, what about me?" The man only sobbed more as the children departed and the lady continued from where she left off. _"Stupid... manager... lady..."_

_At da spa..._

"Ahh... nothing better than a day at da spa," the Chosen sighed, currently sitting a hotspring. "I wonder if spas exist now... well, cars don't either, but you get what I mean. ...hold it, I'm talking to nothing again. Whatever." Some of the girls hanging around him were insulted by this and swam away. Zelos had many groupies of all ages, sizes, and genders, so he simply shrugged it off.

And soon, the children were... singing. Again. "Eh?" His ears perked like a dog's as Yuan (The Muffin Man) and Genis (Cookie Lad) flew down at his side. "AHAHA! GENIS, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING!" Zelos pointed at the boy's costume: a green girl scout uniform.

"...the Cookie Lad costume. And my name is Cookie Lad. I wear this to hide my identity."

"You should hide your identity with _THAT _thing! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..." Then Zelos sucked in a whole lotta air. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"SHUT-UP!" Genis used his awesome cookie power to summon a raisin cookie and chucked it in the the full locks of red hair.

"AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLL BOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYY!"

"Enough-fighting-you-two-Super-Gel-Guy-it's-time-to-fight-against-evil-once-again!"

"I retired as 'Super Gel Guy' and now I reside secretly in my Comb Cave."

"If you reside in a cave, then what are you doing here?"

"Claiming my prize from the _Quest for the Ultimate Hottie! _contest, DUUUUHHHH." And Zelos sunk lower into the hotspring.

"I've got cookies..."

"SUPER GEL GUY NOW FIGHTS ONCE AGAIN!" In the speed of slipping on some hair gel on the floor, Zelos became... SUPER GEL GUY! WHOOO! Fully changed in his costume of a hair stylist person... he ... was... a superhero. I guess.

"Sweet-now-to-help-our-dear-friends!" Yuan tugged on Genis' sash and flew away beside Zelos, who was riding on a flying comb surfboard.

_Finally, back to where we first began..._

"There was no freakin' hosanna. The end." Lloyd tossed a rock into the ocean as Kratos began to cry.

"Oh, son, why did you tell me such a sad story! Th-the silent dream, a-and NO DANCERS TWIRLING! OMAGOD, IT'S SO UPSETTING!" Cue Kratos' dramatic sobbing. (5)

"I got bored."

"WWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"STUPID-HEROES-TO-THE-RESCUE!" The trio of heroes landed. Lloyd blinked, and Kratos' eyes shone brightly. "We've-come-to-the-rescue!"

"OMAGOD THE STUPID HEROES HAS REJOINED! IT'S TIME FOR ME TO ONCE AGAIN BECOME..." He rolled in the grass a couple times until he had grass and mud all over him. "GRASSHOPPER MAN!" Children dressed as hard rockers soon appeared and started to sing:

"Grasshopper Man was a man!  
A _grasshopper _man!  
He can fly like no one else can!  
He's faster than a bee  
He lands on trees  
And he makes funny sounds with his knees!  
Ya, that's because!..  
HE CAN."

"...okay." Lloyd blinked.

"OH MY SON, DON'T DIE!" (6)

"...I wasn't planning to."

"You've gotta join the Stupid Heroes, Lloyd!" Zelos nodded. For the first time, the swordsman saw Genis, and started to snicker.

"Oh, HAHA. Yes, I'm a frickin' Girl Scout."

"Okay, I'll join, just because it's so funny to see Genis as a Girl Scout!" Genis huffed as both he and Zelos continued to point and laugh. "Okay, enough laughing Zelos."

"Right." He started to gel and comb his hair.

"I shall be..." He spun around slowly. "I Do Not Care Boy."

"Lloyd, that was lame! Even for a fanfic as stupid as this!" Zelos crossed his arms. "Try again or I'll beat the crap out of you with brushes."

"So?"

"HARD-TO-USE, SHARP AND POINTY BRUSHES. MADE WITH NAILS."

"Oh! In that case, I am..." He spun around to become a hero that you will find about...

IN THE NEXT CHAPTER! HO-LY CRAP!

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**A/N: SOOooooOOOoo... yeah. I realised that was LONG. It won't be so long in later chapters, but I felt as if the story needed to be built. (Although, I'd _like _for them to be longer. ;.;) Anyway, numbers:**

**(1) He's singing the tune _Yellow Submarine _by the Beatles just in case ya didn't know.**

**(2) "Cat fight" was the pun here.**

**(3) Ever hear that stupid joke about "Your Hineyness" or whatever? She's trying to make a pun to say that he'd better have a sexy ass.**

**(4) The place that Regal and Genis got jobs at is a spoof of the place that I got a job. Yeah, yeah, the uniform shirt is pink... XD;**

**(5) Oh, yeah... the weird random lines were taken from a song we're singing in chorus, _The Awakening. _"There was no hosanna, no lullaby, no song of love... yaddayadda... no choir sang to change the world, no pipers played, no dancers twirled... more yadda."**

**(6) Did anyone else notice how many times Kratos tells Lloyd not to die during the game? Anyone?**

**Yeah, long chapter, long author notes. PLEASE REVIEW. .O.O.**


	2. Taxis and Shark Soaps

**A/N: ;.; Um, yeah, I ran out of ideas. But I shall continue! WHOO!**

**Thanks to meh reviewers! n.n **

**Disclaimer: Okay, look, I don't own Tales of Symphonia. I know you're upset that I don't own it, but what can I say? Just... stop crying. Please. You're making me sad.

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****Hotties Gone Amuck  
**_**Chapter 2**_

"Oh, in that case, I am..." He spun around and became... "The Ultimate Hottie!" Even though, technically, he was already.

"Hey, no fair! _I _should be The Ultimate Hottie!" Zelos whined.

"But _I _won the contest!"

"And you can't be, you're Super Gel Guy!" Kratos pointed out. "If you're The Ultimate Hottie, who will be the guy of hair?" Zelos pointed to a rock. "Sounds good to me. Except, Lloyd's already The Ultimate Hottie. Sorry, your interview was denied."

"Why the heck are we here in the first place?" Genis was getting more irritated as time ticked on by. Tick tick tick... it's raining ticks!

"Oh-no-we're-under-attack-come-on-everyone-fight-back!" Yuan started chucking muffins everywhere, while Kratos made funny noises with his knees. In the meanwhile, Lloyd was figdety and so, trying to get them off. Genis was standing completely still, believing that their sight was based on movement.

Zelos, apparently the only intelligent one at the time, pulled out a giant bottle of... _bugspray! _"Fear it, for it has that stuff to read these things away!" He started to spray it everywhere, and everyone started to choke from the smell.

"Augh! Retreat, retreat!" The ticks ran, er, crawled away, and the rest of the Stupid Heroes were trying to find clean, breathable hair. They ran to Zelos and started to breathe through _his _hair.

"Wait, breathable _hair? _I thought it was air..." Genis only shrugged at his observation.

_Where Regal was..._

"I... want... a better job." He was getting beaten over the head with many golf clubs by Muslim children as the heavens seemed to open up.

_"Come here... and I shall give you a better job."_

"Oh my god, God just offered me a job! Go to hell, ya suckers!" Regal was floated graciously into the hair, er, _air _to start his new job.

_The girls..._

"He was a squirrel, sittin' on the road, waitin' to be, a car a-la mode, waitin' for a car, comin' from afar, to _squish him flat! Like a doormat!" _The capturing gnomes decided they were bored and they started to sing _Car A-la Mode _written by their all-mighty leader. "Then the squirrel started to run, as you can tell, this wasn't very fun--"

"Wait, go back a few lines," Sheena observed. "A-la mode means "with ice cream." You're saying that the squirrel was waiting to be a car with ice cream?"

"I guess," the one carrying her replied. "It rhymes."

"True dat, true dat..."

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" Colette kept repeating herself, as the intellectual of the capturing gnomes, whom was stuck carrying her, got very annoyed. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there--"

_"Are we there yet? _If you say that **one more time..."**

Pause. "Have we arrived at the designated area?" The gnome shouted some unmentionable obscenities as he chucked the oblivious angel far ahead.

"We'll catch up with her when we get there," he grunted as the others stared at him. They shrugged and continued to walk.

"Ooh! A ruin! I wanna stop!" The hyper-history freak was as frantic as an ant as she tried oh-so-desperately to escape.

"Ants are not frantic," Presea corrected. She received confused stares from the others. "Can you not hear the authoress?" You're not supposed to hear me! GEEZ! "Oh."

So, the giant gnomes continued to walk, wondering what the all-mighty one had in store for the females...

_Back to the Stupid Heroes..._

"Okay, so, now that we've accomplished breathing through Zelos' hair for goddess knows how long, what were were doing again?" Lloyd asked.

"Yeah, anyway!" Genis yelled.

"We're helping you get to the Yellow Submarine, remember?" Zelos pointed out.

"WHOO! I LOVE YOU GUYS! GROUP HUG!" Kratos tried to lure everyone into a hug, but ended up hugging the rock that failed to become the new Super Gel Guy. "I love you rock..."

"NO-MY-ROCK!" Yuan stole the rock from Kratos, which made Kratos cry. A lot.

"Okay, I never saw that before, nor did I ever want to," the former Chosen said. The two youngest heroes nodded their head in agreement.

After finishing his long hug with the rock and tossing it at Kratos' head, Yuan suggested, "Let's-call-a-taxi-to-the-Submarine!" He smiled.

"...A taxi?" Zelos, Lloyd, and Genis were confuzzled.

"DUH!" Yuan waved his hand in the hair. "TAXIIII!"

"Why didn't _I _think of that?" Kratos pondered his stupidity as blood gushed out of his head from the rock wound. Hmm... maybe he lost more than blood?

"Um, Kratos, won't you die if you let that go?" Genis pointed to the spot where the red liquid was gushing like Niagra Falls. Niagra Falls! Maybe they were in Canada! Possibly.

"I can't die! I'm a hero in this story, remember? Oh, and I'm an angel. I can't die because of that, either."

"Isn't there mana in your blood?"

"That's iron, dear."

"Oh. Wait, _dear!"_

"TAAAAAAAAAXI!"

"Yuan, stop calling out for that damned taxi! It's not ever gonna come!" Lloyd couldn't stand the constant yelling much longer.

"TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAXI!"

_Meanwhile..._

"The time. 2:47- no, 2:48 PM. The place. Middle of the ocean. Today's show stars. A floating piece of wood, a bunch of seaweed, and a shark-- THAT'S EATING MY FREAKING LEG! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" A random giant gnome started to screech like a lady as he plucked the shark off of his leg and threw that far, far away, similar to what had happened to Colette.

"You know sharks hate reality television. Man, George, have you been drinking again?"

"...maybe..."

"For shame!"

"What's television?" Colette asked, and randomly got thrown in the ocean again. Can angels swim? Who knows.

"Why did you throw her?" Raine asked.

"I dunno." Patrick, the intellectual, shrugged.

"Is she _dead?"_

"No, Raine. She was ejaculated about four hundred miles. For some reason, she has survived. Perhaps her ignorance for death is the cause of her still... living, crud, I ran out of intellictual words." The pink-haired girl-lady thing snapped her finger in frustration.

"Haha, ejaculate," one of the gnomes snickered.

"SHUT IT FOO'" Presea grunted. The gnome tried to talk ghetto back, but then blew up like a balloon and died, because gnomes can't be ghetto.

_About ten-thousand somethings ago..._

"Okay, gnomelettes, keep making those cookies!" the boss gnomelette shouted. Another tiny (for being a gnomelette) gnomelette approached him. "Yes? What do you want?"

"Boss, if we happen to explode and die, who will run Keebler?"

"Elves, but that isn't happening."

_A couple seconds later..._

"All right! We're not appealing to all audiences! So, we're selling ghetto Keebler cookies!" The gnomelettes quickly put on ghetto clothes and all dat bling-bling stuff. In a minute, they all exploded. And that's why gay elves now run Keebler.

_Back to the capturing gnomes and their dates..._

"Why did you tell us that, Frank?" Sheena asked.

"Because that's why people who eat Keebler cookies can possibly become gay. Especially the cookies with the rainbow on the package, ya know?"

"Or the fact of why that gnome just died?"

"Yeah, that too."

"Aw, man..." Patrick sighed. "We found her again. Da-- what the?" Colette was riding the shark that had attacked George previously. "Oh my god! She's having an affair with that shark!"

"What?" The teacher stared at him blankly.

"Sharks love soap operas! Don't you see? She's cheating on her lover, who was previously a fireman and has eleven bastard children!"

"No, ten, remember? The woman who was having his eleventh died in a plane crash before she decided against the abortion!"

"Really? I must've missed that episode."

"I hate soap operas," Presea cut in. "I fail to learn enough vocabulary to confuse the public with."

"WHEE! Thanks Senor Bites-Me-Too-Much!" Colette jumped off the shark and climbed back onto Patrick's back.

"Stop coming on to me, bitch!"

"...okay!"

The capturing gnome with a random phone punched in some numbers and was apparently calling someone. "Bring it up," he demanded. Within seconds, the Yellow Submarine hit the surface. It was as big as a shopping mall, if not bigger.

"Whee! Oh! Is this a party? I love parties!"

"DA PARTY IS ON!" Everyone got party hats as they ran inside.

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**A/N: D-did I write that? Wow. o.o**

**I tried to make it long... so, how was it? Was it good? Funny at all? REVIEW! DUUUUUUHHH!**


	3. Long drams and PUNK'D!

**A/N: Sorry for not updating. O.o I've... been busy.  
****Lloyd: She's officially gone over to the dark side.  
****Genki: ...excuse me, Star Wars Boy?  
****Lloyd: You've abandoned the GameCube for your "new" PS2! How could you?  
****Genki: By playing KH for a straight 6 and a half hours because I "needed" to find out what happened?  
****Lloyd: ...you are now Darth Genko.  
****Genki: O.o;**

**Disclaimer: Darth Genko doesn't own anything. ...HOW AM I _GENKO?_**

**Lloyd: Haha.

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**

**Hotties Gone Amuck  
**_**Chapter 3**_

"TAAAAAAAAAA-- Ow!" Yuan rubbed his head, now having a bump thanks to a random flying stick. "What-was-that-for-Lloyd?"

"For bein' an idiot."

"But we're the _Stupid _Heroes, Lloyd! It's our so-called 'duty' to be idiots," Genis butted in. At first, the brunette was disgruntled, but a smile appeared across his face as he leaned over and whispered something in the mage's ear. "THAT'S NOT FUNNY!"

"But it does!"

"What does?" Zelos walked over, staring at Yuan for a few seconds as he fondled the stick.

"Genis rhymes with..."

"MY _REAL _NAME IS GENI_US! _FOR SOME REASON, EVERYONE TAKES OUT THE FREAKIN' 'U'!" Genis was not a happy boy at that moment in time, so the two others took a huge step back. (1)

"Eh?" Kratos ran over, stealing the stick on the way. "I shall name him Frederrick, and Frederrick he shall be forever." (2)

"YOU-STOLES-THE-PRECIOUS!" the crazy blue-haired angel crawled over and hissed at him. "THE-PRECIOUSSSSSESSSSNESSMEATESSSSS..."

"Meat?" the three that were not over four-thousand years of age asked, wondering what meat had to do with the common impression of Golem.

"Meat on a stick, dur!" The possessor of the stick skipped away and returned with a deer on the teeny rod of wood. "Meat..."

"THE PRECIOUSSSSSSSEEEESSSSSSTICKMEATESSSSSSSS..." Suddenly, Yuan leaped up, snatched the now dead animal, and began to rip it apart with his teeth. Everyone including Kratos backed away slowly, the sight grotesque. "I need the precious to enjoy such a feast!"

"That's absolutely disguisting," Zelos said, looking at the ocean. That's when he noticed something yellow... "What the hell?" He walked towards the yellow thing and noticed that it was, in fact, an automobile. More importantly, he noticed the driver of it. "Regal? What the..."

"My new job is to show up randomly throughout the fanfic and fill in the random character gaps. And I could be of some use later on. Right now I'm a taxi driver!"

"Um, riiiiiight... Did you hear Yuan calling for you?"

"Who _wouldn't?"_

"True, true..." Zelos nodded. He folded his arms across his chest in deep thought. "But, how does a taxi float through water?"

"Um, by ignoring the fact that it's highly impossible?"

"Sure, that works!" The Tethe'allan turned, cupped his mouth with his hands, and yelled, "YO EVERYBODY! GET IN THE TAXI BEFORE I GIVE YOU A HAIR CUT!" Zelos was run over as the four others crammed into the car with maximum speed: _nobody _wanted their precious hair cut!

"PRECIOUSSSSSSSESSSSHAIRNESSS..." Feh, whatever Yuan. Anyway, Zelos crawled inside as well, and five bodies were jammed in the back as Regal tipped his fancy-pancy hat.

"So, where will it be, boys?"

"To the Yellow Submarine!"

"Ehh?" Regal blinked. "I don't know where that is!"

"But... taxi drivers are supposed to know where _everything _is!" Kratos explained, imitating Colette's "make-two-fists-and-bob-them-up-and-down-in-opposition" motion, punching Lloyd and Genis in their faces. "How do you _not _know where it is?"

"Uhh..." You could see Regal's eyes blinking in the rear-view mirror. "I mean, of _course _I know where it is. Let's just ignore that it doesn't make sense..." and the car dove underwater, as the little yellow vehicle drove-- er, swam-- ...er, _dram _through the water.

_Meanwhile... at the Yellow Submarine..._

"So... you are finally here. Welcome... to my humble submarine." A dark voice called, from behind the dark chair in the dark half of the room. "To your left, you will see total DOOM, while to your right, you will see complete DAMNATION. MOOHAHAHAHAHAHAA!"

"Why are we here, who are you, and where the hell are the party favors?" Raine demanded, previously creeped out from the evil cow laugh.

"I am... your worst enemy! I'm... YOUR MOM!"

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" All four girls collasped on their knees, pulling their hair.

"You idiots! It was a joke!" They blinked, and looked up from where they had been attempting to skin their heads... I guess. "I am..." The chair quickly spun out as the obvious culprit was revealed.

"Oh my god! Orlando Bloom!" The giddy fangirls chased after him around the room, when Mithos walked in and threw a brick at the hot English actor, scaring him away. "Nuu! Why did you chase him away, you bastard?"

"Because this is _my _submarine, fools!" he growled. "Now, gnomelettes!" The little people filled up the rest of the floor space. "Please guide them into their quarters that I had arranged _especially _for them!"

"Yes sir!" To make a long story short, the girls were shoved into a room, and eventually, everyone died. Except the angels.

But let's go back a few years, shall we?

_Awhile back, into the taxi..._

"Geez, I suck at this game..." Kratos sighed.

"What game?" Lloyd asked, curious.

"The ABC game! You look for the letters A through Z on the sign. But I can't find Q..."

"How did you get to!-- Oh, forget it." He stopped caring at this point.

"Are-we-there-yet-Are-we-there-yet-Are-we-there-yet-Are-we-there-yet-Are-we-there-yet-Are-we-there-yet-Are-we-there-yet-Are-we-there-yet-Are-we-there-yet-Are-we-there-yet-Are-we-there-yet-Are-we-there-yet..." the blue-haired angel asked.

"No, damn you! Ask one more time..."

"...is our destination close in sight?" Regal pushed a big purple button and Yuan became a projectile through the water.

"Wasn't this joke used before?" Genis asked. He received several blank stares. "What? Oh! We... don't have scripts. Of course not."

"Don't worry, Genis, we'll pick him up on the way. He's an angel, he won't drown." Regal replied to the question that was never asked. Way to read your script!... er... oops.

"YAY FREDERRICK! NOW WHILE HE'S GONE, LET'S MAKE..."

"That's so gross! Not when there's others in the backseat with you, all right?" The other three crammed into the corner. Kratos blinked as he began to chat with the stick.

"I think he was trying to say, 'let's make good conversation.'"

"Regal, how does that make sense?" Zelos asked.

"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST IGNORE THE THINGS THAT DON'T MAKE SENSE! _LIFE _DOESN'T MAKE SENSE! _OPRAH WINFREY _DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!"

"But she makes others happy!"

"She makes _me _sick!" It's true... stupid bitch.

"Nuu! Stop.. attacking me!" The young sage was waving his Gameboy back and forth in the air, as if it was gonna make miracles happen in his gameplay.

"Genis, you stupid cheerio! What are you playing?"

"Pokémon Puzzle Challenge," he sobbed. "It's harder than it looks! It's worse than Yoshi's Tetris Attack! And... they have the same concept." Yuan was found pounding on the back window, a dark-themed Muffin Man theme song playing in the background. (3)

_Back to the girl's headquarters..._

"Wow!" Colette jumped up and down on her bed. "Look at me! I can fly!"

"You already could before," Sheena pointed out. Shrugging, the blonde continued to play on the bed.

"I wonder what Mithos wanted us for," the teacher thought outloud. Presea shrugged.

"Maybe he invited us over for burritos!" the angel cheered. "YAY BURRITOS!"

"Um, somehow, I doubt that..." the summoner replied, making Colette cry.

"Sheena is correct!" The man's voiced boomed, making everyone but Presea jump, since Presea is probably a robot. "You are not here for burritos! You're here for... ICE CREAM!"

"YAY!" All four cheered. The gnomelletes drove an ice cream truck through the wall and handed out ice cream cones to all of them. Quickly, the cold treat was splattered all over the carpeting. "Ew!"

"AHAHAA! YOU JUST GOT PUNK'D!" Mithos ran in, wearing Ashton Kutcher's hat. "That was actually FROZEN YOGURT! That's what you get for voting me _last _for the Ultimate Hottie!"

"Well... wasn't it _you_ who didn't eat the oyster pudding? You were too busy having a staring contest with Yuan..." Raine pointed out.

"Look! That was the _nasiest _stuff on Earth! If it hadn't been for Yuan, I would have won! Dammit, I would have enjoyed the delicacy of delicious pie!" And he began to pout.

"Then if it's _his _fault, why are you taking it out on _us?"_

"Because you were the judges, and I had nothing better to do since I took over the Yellow Submarine."

"Wait... you mean, this isn't _yours?" _Sheena asked. "Then... that means..."

"Mithos pwned the Submarine from Saint Nick," the pink-haired girl finished.

"PWNED? Oh no, _you're _saying it too!" And both Raine and Sheena broke down and cried. They just lost their precious Presea to the world of cyberchat. A chorus of "dundundun" was heard in the background.

"All right, ENOUGH!" Mithos yelled, gaining the stare of eight eyes. "You will remain here until furtherwise! BWAHA!" And he left in a hurry to eat some more frozen yogurt.

_In the taxi..._

Yuan was finally let back into the taxi. Shakily jitterly for the fear of going back out, he stole Fredderick from Kratos. "NUU! GIVE IT BACK, YOU MEANIE!" And, similar to four-year-olds, the two fought over Fredderick, until... he snapped in half.

There was complete silence. Then battle music on Genis' Gameboy began once more, which started the bawling. Zelos, Lloyd, and Regal shut their ears tightly, _trying _to block out the sound. Then, Lloyd being the smart guy he _might _be, took both halfs. "Um, look guys..." The bawling continued. "GUYS!" It stopped, leaving almost silence. "Now you guys can _share _Fredderick, see?" He handed one half to his father... "This is 'Fredde'," and handed the second to the other. "and this is 'Rick'."

"And that's why you're the Ultimate Hottie!" Both angels glomped him. Lloyd stifffened awkwardly.

"Does anyone _else _find this creepy?"

"DAMMIT LLOYD! THAT STUPID MURKROW KILLED MY TOTODILE! AGH!" (3)

"You're just a guy magnet, Lloydie..." Zelos smirked.

Regal sighed. "Are we there yet..."

* * *

**A/N: Myah... it's finally done. X.x; Well, this chappie anyway. I'm bored. (snore)**

**(1) This was a joke in a previous fanfic I did, _"Insanity Driven By Boredom." _You won't find it on because it's a scripted one I posted on deviantART. You can find _that _one by going to my bio, homepage, and there's a link near the bottom.**

**(2) Pronounced "Frehd-er-rik." Get it wrong and I'll make turn you into tuna. Mm... tuna.**

**(3) Maybe I should explain what Genis is blabbin' on about. _Pokémon Puzzle Challenge _was a game for either N64 or Gameboy Color. There was also a game that came before it with almost the EXACT same play called _Yoshi's Tetris Attack _for the SNES. When Genis is yelling about his Totodile dying, he's playing Challenge. You only have so many characters (chances) until you... (dundundun!) GET A GAME OVER. **

**T.T Ehhhhhhh... well, my fiends, school has started once more. (sob) Oh well. Nyaahh... I dun wanna go to band tonight... (snore)**


	4. The Director is Sleepy

**A/N: Lalalaaaaaaaa... I need to finish this sometime this year...**

**By the way, I had forgotten to mention: ANYTHING I SAY IN THIS FANFIC IS NOT MEANT TOWARDS ANYONE! ANY RUDE COMMENTS THAT MAY HAVE OFFENDED YOU, I'M SORRRRRRRYYYYYYY! I never intentionally mean to make fun of someone: so if something hurts your feelings, I don't mean it. Except Oprah. I wasn't lying about her. XP I'm not sure about the review about the seizure, like... how I had instigated (sp?) anything about that... but if I did, many apologies. (bows)**

**Disclaimer: ShimaGenki doesn't own. If you didn't know this by now... well... ...you're stupid.

* * *

****Hotties Gone Amuck**

_**Chapter 4**_

It was about four hours into the dram that Regal had to keep himself from banging his head against the steering wheel. Yuan was holding on to Rick for dear life, cuddling it and talking to it soothingly. Kratos was busy attempting to play pattycake with Fredde: but he kept claiming that his pal was poking him annoyingly instead. Lloyd was curled in a tight ball, doing his best not to go insane, while Zelos was trying to comfort him. Genis, on the other hand, was still playing his Gameboy, his angered yelling getting louder by each loss.

But then... the last straw that broke the camel's back...

The blue-haired angel gripped his hands gingerly on the seat that Regal sat in and said very loudly, "HEY REGAL, RICK'S GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM!"

Or the last stick that broke the Regal's sanity, so to speak.

He began to screech like a monkey, and leaving the wheel unattended, he reached back and grabbed Fredde and Rick, using them as drumsticks around the seats and dashboard. Both angels sobbed loudly, while Lloyd crouched down behind the driver's side and remained there like a statue. The former Chosen and the mage leapt for the wheel: being the only reasonable ones at the moment.

"Cookie Lad!"

"Call me _Cookie Lad _again and I'll--"

"Genis, I can't reach over the seats, you'll have to climb over and drive!"

The silver-haired boy looked at his one obstacle: the mad ape of ... well, madness. "You must be kidding."

"You _have _to!" He pushed him right over and he landed square in the seat. He gripped the steering wheel (receiving a large amount of stick wounds on his head and right arm thanks to Regal) and stretched his foot to hit the gas.

"Houston, we've got a problem."

"Who's Houston?"

"I can't reach!"

"The...?"

"GAS PEDALS, STUPID!"

"Calm down, geez!" Zelos thought for a moment. "I bet I could reach over and turn. You'll have to get down and take care of the pedals."

"And if you can't?..."

"We're pretty much doomed."

"Oh, _that's _reassuring! NOT!" But of course, Genis didn't have much choice, so he crawled down into the hole under the wheel, while Zelos stretched uncomfortably over the driver's seat and headrest, his fingertips barely resting on the wheel. "Okay, I'm going to give it some gas!" And it was instantly noticed as the car shot forward in the water.

"HOLY CRAP! GENIS, SLOW DOWN!" the redhead's voice screamed.

"WE'RE GONNA DIE!" Lloyd broke down and sobbed.

"GIVE US FREDDERICK!" And unsurprisingly, the angels and the president just didn't care if they died or not.

_To Mithos' Kutcher's crib..._

"I think we need to plot something," suggested Sheena.

"No shit, Sherlock," the professor replied sarcastically, gaining two rolling eyes.

"Ooooh! Let's have a sleepover!" the blonde suggested.

"That... is totally irrelevant," Presea said in a monotone voice.

"Oh... darn. Wait, I've got it!" She regained the attention of the other three. "Let's come up with a plan!"

"Congratulations, Colette. You failed life," Raine sighed.

"Would you like some _ice cream _girls? Yeh heh heh heh!" Mithos walked in, licking frozen yogurt on a cone.

"Haha. You are so funny, Mithos," the half-elf growled sarcastically. "But I must ask you something. How did you take over the submarine?"

"Why, it's quite simple! I..." And the blonde started his story and ranted on for a long while.

_Meanwhile, the taxi cab gone mad..._

"Genis! Hit the brake!"

"I _am!"_

"Great! Just _great! _The freakin' brakes don't freakin' work and now we're going to freakin' _die!" _

"I told you we were gonna die! I told you! I told you!

"Ugh... what... happened?" Regal rubbed his head, and began to feel nauseous as he sat in the passenger's seat in the front. He felt more like he had been drinking, but alcohol was not his "cup of tea." Well, he didn't like tea either. Point being, he didn't know why he felt so bad.

"You went _bananas _again. Get it? AHAHAHAA!" Zelos laughed obnoxiously at his own joke, but stopped when Genis' blue orbs shot anger right into his own. "Okay, geez, _I _thought it was funny..." (1)

"Did you forget about our on-coming _death?" _Genis asked, pointing down towards the brake pedal.

"Oh, I didn't forget. I'm just enjoying the last few moments of my life before I die. What a way to go..."

"What...what...?" Regal was so lost and confused.

"The brakes stopped working... we're gonna die... Kratos and Yuan... we're gonna die..." the twin swordsman continued to speak in short phrases.

"WHEEE! Look, a submarine!" Kratos pointed excitedly towards a huge yellow thing.

"Can we go? Can we go?" Yuan begged.

"Umm... if we weren't going to die, you could. But alas... we're gonna die," Genis replied shortly, producing more tears from the two.

"You suck! I hate you!" the Cruxis angels flew to the front and shoved the other two out of the way. "Activate... GRASSHOPPER LEGS!" A shiny purple button, located under the dashboard was pushed, but nothing seemed to happen... nothing but the taxi approaching the bottom of the sea faster.

"Oh, yeah, THA--" Zelos sarcasm was stopped as the vehicle came to a sudden halt. The rest looked outside, to see the car had landed perfectly on the bottom. "...Thanks."

_"Now _can we go?" Kratos and Yuan gave them the famous "open-yer-eyes-really-wide-an-make-em-feel-guilty" look.

"That... was the point in our journey..." Lloyd said slowly, trying to gain his once lost sanity back.

And to make a long story short... use your freaking imagination.

_We all live in a Yellow Submarine... well, except panda bears. I don't know why. _

"Master! We have identified ships coming our way!" Carl hopped in. The girls only stared for a few moments.

"YOU... YOU BIT MY HAND!" Colette broke down in sobs, and the rabbit backed up.

"W-well... y-ya see... th-that..."

"Ships! B-but... WHAT SHIPS!"

_"Battleships, _m'lord!" He held up a game box. Five sweatdrops (or more) came about from the round.

"You... suck. Go... do something _productive."_

"Yes sir." He was gone in a matter of five and one sixty-seventh seconds.

"This is really going nowhere," Sheena sighed.

"Yeah... I think the director's tired." Didn't we discuss this before, Mithos? I ain't here. "You were the last fanfic..." I'm not here, dammit! "Riiiiiiiiiight... You've got it comin'." What are you _planning? _"Nothing, nothing..." Mithos snickered, which really didn't cause any alarm for me.

"So... _this _is my vacation! Dammit! This sucks!" A certain someone received much attention from the occupants of the room.

"Lloyd! You're here!" Colette cheered.

"No. I am not Lloyd. I am... **The Ultimate Hottie."**

"How come _your _name gets bold!" Zelos cried.

"Because... **I **am special. Kinda like **God **in the Bible. **He's **got special font, 'cause **He's **special."

"This is so stupid..." Genis sighed. Yuan fainted about two seconds later. "What the hell?"

"His sugar intake has finally come to an end," Kratos explained.

"D-did... you... say something, _calmly!"_

"I... did?" He fainted as well, heaped onto the floor. Genis looked at Zelos for a few seconds, but then snapped his fingers, as he realized that the ex-Chosen wasn't going to tumble onto the flooring anytime soon.

"Okay, now I'm done watching you fools, so it's time to bring out... _the gnomelettes!" _And as if Mithos had said "abra kadabra alazakam," little people shouting "loser" jumped upon the three conscious males. It finally became clear to the readers that Regal disappeared...

Maybe.

The answer finally dawned upon Lloyd. He pulled out a certain book, skimming through the pages... until he found what he wanted. He read, "'Dwarven vow number #3874: Gnomelettes can't be ghetto!' So... _wazzup homies? Yo, do ya like it homeskillet! Let's go on back to the crib, yo!" _Explosions like balloons and confetti were everywhere.

"Wait... we knew they couldn't be ghetto. We should have thought of that..." Raine thought outloud.

And when they were all blown up, Lloyd gave his fiend an evil grin. "Dwarven Vow #238.76: Only take over the Yellow Submarine on Fridays, eight to ten PM!" Mithos ran off as fast as his wings could carry him. "After him!" Lloyd shouted, and everyone (except Kratos and Yuan, getting trampled on in the process) chased after the guilty one.

"Carl, initiate escape plan!"

"Setting battleship on B-4 sir." Carl sat at a computer and punched in the random command codes. Mithos then...

This is _my _story now! I told you I'd get you! Ahaha! Anyway, me and Carl basically drove the ship away, making our great escape.

Give me back my narration! If I can't be _in _it, I wanna tell it! Besides, driving the ship will get you _no where. _They're still on the ship. "Oh... snap."

Regal, dressed in spygear, met the crew at one of the doors of the Submarine. "I'm now... a secret agent! 006.32 to be exact. I will guide you to Mithos' lair, where you will defeat him in the probably last chapter of this fanfic."

"Wow. Our director needs more sleep... she's really off today..." Aw, shove it.

* * *

**S/N: (1) - Chapter 2 of _QFTUH: _Regal is demanded a drumroll, and goes crazy. The end.**

**A/N: Oiii... I can't think of anything really clever. Sorry it's so short and sucky. Let me give you a poem in repentance. I call it "If."**

_**If you made it through  
**__**Review if you dare  
**__**But if you don't  
**__**I really don't care...**_


	5. You're Burning Christmas!

**A/N: UPDATE-JUTSU! O.O Yeah... I'm a Naruto fan now. X3 (rants about pointless things... had to erase it... (sweatdrop).)**

**Disclaimer: ShimaGenki don't own it, bi-otches.**

**This final chapter is inspired by The Aquabats, only _thee _funniest band to live.**

**WARNING LABEL: ANYTHING SAID IN THIS FANFIC WAS NOT MEANT TO OFFEND, HARM, BLAHBLAHBLAH ETC. ANYBODIES. There... now don't get mad at me...

* * *

****Hotties Gone Amuck  
**_**Chapter 5**_

"Wait, where did Kratos and Yuan go?" Zelos piped up, causing the rest to look around. "I... don't hear their annoying voices..." A few uncaring shrugs were given in response, and the ex-Chosen replied with his own shrug.

"Let's enter this door here..." Regal said. His voice suddenly changed into an Australian accent. "We've got to be very quiet... there could be funny animals here."

"Animals?..." Sheena asked.

"Santa's a very strange person. You have to be to go around, delivering presents all around the world in one night--"

"That _can't _be true!" Lloyd interjected. "The world goes through different seasons at one time... therefore, only a fourth of the world has to be covered at a time. Plus because of time zones, the number of houses that need to be visited at a certain time is also lowered."

Stare. "Umm... Lloyd... you said something smart?" Genis looked at him funny. "That's..."

"That's just what Raine yelled at me when I mentioned it before..." He received a nice whack to the back of the head.

"BE VERY QUIET, YOU BASTARDS!" Their voices fell to silence, and they entered to find themselves in the middle of a show. A _tap-dancing_ show.

"Now may I introduce to you, Benji, the tap-dancing mutant boy."

"Hi! I'm Benji. Ima tap-dancing mutant." The mutant continued to dance on the stage. "I wasn't always like this. I was born a normal..." Everyone immediately stepped out. **(1)**

"What the hell was that?" Lloydyelled after the door closed.

"I believe radiation caused such a disturbance that will be forever burned in our minds forever," Presea responded.

"I... understood that..." Pause. "I think."

"You said 'forever' twice," Sheena pointed out.

"That was the director's typo on the script..." I don't exist! GOD! SCREW THIS! I QUIT!

Silence.

"Ms. Shima, where are you going?..." Colette asked.

"Oh no! Hunny, come back! You haven't finished writing our story yet!" The redhead's kind whining went unanswered.

"We... we can do this!" Genis imitated Colette's "bob-yer-hands-up-and-down" thing, as previously mentioned with Kratos a few chapters ago. "We'll do improv... like _Who's Line is it Anyway?"_

"ShimaGenki doesn't own!" Lloyd piped up. He received some odd looks. "She's... got me trained like a dog. Dammit."

"And now it's time for _Who's Line is it Anyway? _The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter! That's right, the points don't matter, just like Oprah Winfrey!"

Somewhere in a far city, Oprah turned into Oprahzilla and destroyed random cities, making sure to hand out freebies as she left the once busy streets full of destruction.

"Regal... why are you Drew Carey?" Lloyd asked, pointing to his funny-looking glasses and the desk he sat at. "And... where did the studio come from?"

"Your _imagination..." _Regal made a pretty rainbow with his hands. "But it's time to play a game! This game is for--"

"I didn't mean to _do _the show!" Genis grimaced. "Just do improv! We're supposed to look for Mithos, 'member?"

"You're passing the opportunity to be on _television?" _Everyone glared at him fiercely, giving him no choice but just play along... so to speak.

"I give up." He sat down in a random chair towards the back of the studio.

"This first game is for Lloyd, Zelos, and Raine. The three of you, come over by the desk and grab these item thingers here. Each of you gets one." They did as told, Lloyd ending up with a book, Zelos holding a fake cellphone, and Raine clutching a broom. "Now, depending on what item you hold, you have to impersonate that person. Who's got the cellphone? Zelos, you are... Tru from _Tru Calling." _**(2)**

"Who?" Genis asked.

"A girl who relives her days to keep people from dying," Regal explained. "The person with the broom is Mr. Clean."

"WHAAAAAAAAT?"

"And Lloyd, left with the book, is Kakashi from _Naruto."_

"Uhhhh... _greeeeeaaaat."_

"You're situation is that you're stuck on an island when natives come to attack. And... start whenever you're ready."

Raine flatly began to sweep the floor, while Zelos flipped the cellphone, walking in circles. "No, I was here at 10:23... and then there was that guy--" He looked at Lloyd. "LOOK OUT!" He randomly jumped on poor Lloyd, confused on what he was supposed to do.

"E-er... you're making me lose concentration in my book! And I'm almost at the climax too!" The audience members laughed as Lloyd clocked Zelos in the face.

"You're not supposed to actually _hit _people!"

"You guys are making a mess let me clean it with my lemony fresh scent with a broom." The humiliated teacher strolled by, sweeping the broom as she passed.

_Meanwhile..._

"I love this show!" Mithos sat in a chair, watching the _Who's Line is it Anyway? _that was currently being filmed live just a few hallways down.

"U-um, Sir..."

"I DID NOT GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO SPEAK!"

"B-but... they're going to find us if we don't--"

"SHUSH! Talk to me during commercials, Baka Usagi!" **(3)**

Carl sobbed and just hopped away. All he ever wanted was friends! He ran away to find the director, who was currently found in her family room, playing DDR. "Which she _does _own!" Carl exclaimed. She had her muses trained well...

"That sucked. No one gets points, and the show gets cancelled!"

"Hey, I Iiked Zelos' line!..." Lloyd shouted.

"You liked it because I 'rescued you' and didn't get off, even after you punched me. You... flaming queen." There were some _'ooooohs' _from the audience, but the brunette chose to ignore them.

"Onto Mithos' hiding place!" Lloyd shouted. Some fun background j-pop played as the Tales of Symphonia crew popped in and out of doors. Finally, all of them appeared in Mithos' screening room.

"WHAAAAAT? IT WAS CANCELLED?"

"Just like your plan!" The chair spun around suddenly, to reveal a blonde man, wearing boxers and a white t-shirt, eating popcorn.

"Ohh... snap. You caught me at a bad time--"

"Dwarven Vow #148: LIVER RAWKS." And as if on cue, a huge load of liver flooded the screening room. The evil Mithos disappeared into the sea of disguisting meat. "Wow... that year's supply of liver came in handy..."

"Way to use that hottiness... hottie!" Genis commented. It was no more than three seconds when he realized what he had just said. "...I didn't mean it the way you're _thinking _it... perverts. He _is _**The Ultimate Hottie."**

"There he goes, with his godliness again! I can't take this anymore, I quit!" Zelos stormed off the submarine. Researchers for years have been trying to figure out the secret of just how Zelos managed to leave the submarine entirely at that point in time, but it remains a mystery, just like the mystery of what the universe truly is. Some believe God created it, while others believe it's a cardboard box in some guy's attic... **(4)**

"I wonder where Santa is then?" Sheena asked, looking around the room for responses... that is, until her eyes fell on Regal. He was found in the corner of the room, dressed in a long plaid jacket and wearing a hat, blowing bubbles from a fake pipe. "Err... Regal?"

"So... this _Santa _guy is still missing, huh? I'll take the case!" Regal pointed a finger in the air.

"Dwarven Vow #4587: Video game music must be played when adventuring ina dungeon!"

And so, they began the search. After a many of unlocking doors and solving puzzles...

"Okay, Lloyd, turn the music off," Regal said, and Lloyd nodded, pushing "Stop" on the CD Player he had been holding. "This... is where Santa is." He opened the door and they found themselves looking at...

"BOTTA?" They gawked.

"Help." He stared.

"MONKEY!" A spazzing gnomelette sped by.

"Let's just get outta here." Lloyd turned on his heel and walked straight out.

"Er... shouldn't we untie him?" Colette asked, but she followed her best friend anyway.

"Wait for me!" Sheena called. Regal, Raine and Presea left silently, leaving Genis alone. He was about to depart when Botta said quietly...

"If you leave, _Cookie Lad, _you'll pay. Remember, you are the boy of cookies... and I'm the fatty who eats _EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM." _Genis' eyes suddenly looked like two giant blue pies, and he quickly ran in and untied Botta. "Sweet! Now... you're the only one who doesn't get coal."

"You never get me _anything," _Genis cried.

"That's Raine's job, you loser..."

"SANTA CALLED ME A LOSER!" Sob, sob.

"Shut-up!" Something made contact with Genis' head, knocking him straight to the flooring. "We have killer headaches..." Behind the boy had been standing two seemingly unstable angels.

"Kratos? Yuan?"

"Okay... _Santa, _what happened? I remember going to your party... and then everything goes blurry..." Kratos eyes were shooting daggers, and Botta twitched.

"You went for the brownies? Heh?"

"YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN HE EATS THOSE!" Yuan shouted. "AND YOU GAVE ME COOKIES! YOU DAMNED FOOL!"

"I can't be a fool! I'm Santa Claus!"

"Well... soon you'll be _dead." _Horror movie music began to play, the two in the doorway with mad looks on their faces and daggers in their hands. Botta began to inch towards the wall... knowing doom was coming.

_And... where did everyone else go?_

"Hey, want to take a vacation in Antartica?"

"YAY ANTARTICA!"

"What's Antartica? DOES IT HAVE ARTIFACTS? The name _sounds _like artifacts... antartifacts... teehee!"

_Okay... Raine's stupid..._

The knives fell, and Botta could only twitch. The pain... the sight of red was just _killing _him...

Kratos licked the ruby substance from the blade. "Hmm... the frosting's not half bad..."

"DON'T YOU DARE!"

"Mmm... hey, Kratos, Botta's favorite kind is _Angel's Food Cake, _ne?"

"ANYTHING BUT CAKE! NOOOOOO!" Before Botta could react, the sugary substance was force fed down his throat.

_The next Christmas Eve..._

"Hey... what was that?" Lloyd rubbed his eyes and made his way to the roof. Dirk sure knew how to build a stable roof... "...GENIS?"

"Don't... say... anything..." He was dressed entirely in an elf suit.

"Oh my god..."

_"Lloyd..."_

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! YOU LOOK SO STUPID! HA- Ow!" A huge chunk of coal bounced off his skull.

"HEEHEEHEE MERRY CHRISTMAS TO THE MONKEYS!" Botta was throwing confetti, and then shoving presents down the chimney. Of course, smoke began to rise thicker and thicker...

"You're... BURNING CHRISTMAS!" Lloyd gasped in horror. He opened his mouth to speak again, but a cracking underneath their footing brought almost complete silence. Then the supports broke, and all went crashing straight down. "Ow... you ruined Christmas... bastard."

Dirk sure knew how to build a stable roof... not.

_THE END! FOREVER! YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT! SO SHADDUP!

* * *

_**S/N: (1) Benji - The dialogue lines of the mutants is actually lines in a song called _Radiation Song _by The Aquabats.**

**(2) _Tru Calling _- It's a great show if you've never seen it. They don't show it any longer on television to my personal knowledge. (Fox frickin' cancelled it.) You can go buy the first season set... it's funny and emotional... and cool. **

**(3) Baka Usagi - translates to "stupid rabbit." X3 I find this really funny for personal reasons...**

**(4) Universe - Last year, me and my friend decided that the universe was a cardboard box in some guys attic... the stars were holes in the box, and the people are all made of clay... etc etc.**

**A/N: Yup. FOREVER. No more sequels... nada. I'm retiring from straight humor fics like this for a while... just to make room for other projects. Like... for some, it might be easy to write humor. I always get humor spazzes, and then it just crashes and burns... as you can see.**

**Anyway, THANKS FOR READING! Basically please review... you can even flame. But remember, flames are sent to the Hall of Flame. And yes, people will laugh. I've gotten several comments regarding to it...**


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